December 24, 2021 | Tabitha Andrews Orth
My letter to Santa.
ATTENTION: YULETIDE BUREAU
As you know, I have given great thought to my Christmas wish this year. I hope I have made your ‘NICE LIST”, as my wish is in the form of a favor.
Since I am awake, due to insomnia from the IV Solumedrol infusion I received yesterday afternoon, I thought it was a good time to write you. I guess I didn’t need to tell you that, since you see me when I am sleeping, and you know when I am awake. LOL:)
Sometimes the lessons we need to learn to grow our soul and faith come in the most unexpected forms. I have realized the truth of this and am doing my best to rely on my faith, to celebrate the love and support I receive and do my best to face my adversity.
Santa, I have to be totally naked in my honesty here. As Head Elf, embodied with the Spirit of -now here’s my word finding problem rearing its head… It means to love without qualifying or judging. I can’t remember how to say it Santa, but you get me. How could anyone ever imagine they would get a disease where your immune system attacks your brain?!
I mean if my brain isn’t working right, nothing works right. That’s a hard thing Santa. We are talking TOUGH challenge here.
Santa, you know this. You have been watching. I don’t have to explain because you have lived it with me. Yeah, I’m totally on the “NICE LIST”.
Sorry, attention span problems, back to my favor.
But… I have practiced daily random acts of kindness for many years…attention span problems again and paranoia I might not make the cut for that ‘Nice List’.
Santa, this disease has created personality changes that are not the heart of me. It has taken ME away before with episodes of psychosis twice now. I am inside. In my heart, buried deep, I am ME. People were not able to see ME when my brain disease flared in this way, but YOU could!
Sorry, I will try to stay on topic. Attention Span problems, but YOU know this.
Okay, I forgot what I was going to say… LOL. Wait, I’ll reread this and write my main point on a sticky note so I can remember my wish. Why am I telling you that? YOU see me. YOU realize everything.
Ok. Wait just one minute for me Santa. Yes. I am back. Got it. My Christmas Wish. (That is what I wrote on the sticky note. Oops, sorry, forgot. Don’t need to tell you that.)
I am having a problem with worry for my future. I have now faced FEAR. I have stared it down. I have survived. I get scared sometimes. YOU know I do. My faith and spiritual beliefs sustain me; through them, I draw my courage and do my best to surrender my fear.
This brings me to that favor I mentioned. My Christmas Wish.
Gosh, Santa, I need your help.
By the way, Jim says guys like peanut butter cookies and oatmeal raisin the best, so we will be leaving those out in their usual place by the Cocoa. Feel free to use the copper pot I leave out for you to warm up your Cocoa in case you find yourself running late. Oh, the carrots for the Reindeer are grown by local farmers- I am adding some lovely fresh pears this year…
But, you know that too… Sorry…..
What was I going to say? Oh, right! My Christmas Wish:)
You’ll find an envelope by your nighttime snack. I’ve enclosed all my fears and worries inside. Could you kindly take them from me? That is my Christmas Wish.
And when you take your leave, by the way, I LOVE that time suspension magic you do- very cool!
When your laughter rings out within and around our home, can you add a bit of Christmas Spirit Magic to infuse your laughter, Joy, and that kind of love I can’t remember the name of …within our home, our hearts and my brain where my fears and worries once were? By adding your love and laughter to mine Santa, well, that’s a powerful infusion. Exactly what is needed to receive the appreciation of each day.
My family and I laugh a lot Santa. YOU know. My laughter helps my husband, Jim and our son, Matthew. Their laughter helps me. And so, it goes….
Should you find other letters written by people with Autoimmune Encephalitis, whether they be drawings by children, a single word, or simply the breath of fear blown inside an envelope and sealed, my wish is that you take these too and leave your laughter.
Oh, make yourself at home as long as you would like Santa. The weather across the Northern Hemisphere is projected to be quite cold. There are extra blankets in the hall closet. Help yourself. When you are working your way across the Southern Hemisphere and get to Sarah’s house in New Zealand since it is Summer there and you won’t need them any longer, you can leave the blankets with her and she’ll get them back to me on her next visit;)
Pleasant trip and God speed.
(Originally written December 17, 2014)
IAES invites you to spread awareness of Autoimmune Encephalitis by sharing this delightful musical spoof utilizing the classic holiday music from ‘Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer’. Learn who identified the most common type of autoimmune encephalitis of them all and where that magical moment occurred.
Your generous Donations allow IAES to continue our important work and save lives!
International Autoimmune Encephalitis Society (IAES) is a Family/Patient-centered organization that assists members from getting a diagnosis through to recovery and the many challenges experienced in their journey.
Driven by the knowledge that “Education is Power”, International Autoimmune Encephalitis Society manages an educational support group for patients diagnosed with Autoimmune Encephalitis and their loved ones, empowering them to be strong self-advocates and advocates that will lead them to best outcomes and recovery. We are the premier organization leading in these vital roles.
Become an Advocate by sharing your story. It may result in an accurate diagnosis for someone suffering right now who is yet to be correctly identified. Submit your story with two photos to IAES@autoimmune-encephalitis.org
International Autoimmune Encephalitis Society (IAES), home of the AEWarrior®, is the only Family/Patient-centered organization that assists members from getting a diagnosis through to recovery and the many challenges experienced in their journey. Your donations are greatly appreciated and are the direct result of IAES’ ability to develop the first product in the world to address the needs of patients, Autoimmune Encephalitis Trivia Playing Cards. Every dollar raised allows us to raise awareness and personally help Patients, Families, and Caregivers through their Journey with AE to ensure that the best outcomes can be reached. Your contribution to our mission will help save lives and improve the quality of life for those impacted by AE.
For those interested in face masks, clothing, mugs, and other merchandise, check out our AE Warrior Store! This online shop was born out of the desire for the AE patient to express their personal pride in fighting such a traumatic disease and the natural desire to spread awareness. Join our AE family and help us continue our mission to support patients, families and caregivers while they walk this difficult journey.